The Ashes Cricket Jokes

Boxing Day at the MCG. Australia's lowest ever score against England in an Ashes series.

A guy walks into a brothel, and says:
'I am a bit kinky- how much for total humiliation?'
The madam replies $60
'Wow, what do I get for that?' he says.
'A baggy green cap and an Australian cricket shirt'.


What do you call an Australian who can handle a bat?
A Vet!
Ho Ho.


What is the difference between Cinderella and the Australian cricketers?
Cinderella knew when to leave the ball


And why isn`t there anybody drinking bottles of wine in Oz right now ?
Because they don`t have any openers..


Q what do you get if you cross the Australian cricket team with an Oxo cube?
A A laughing stock!


Q. What is the height of optimism?
A. An Australian batsman putting on sunscreen.


Q. What would Jimmy Anderson be if he was Australian?
A. An all rounder.


Q. What is the main function of the Australian coach?
A. To transport the team from the hotel to the ground.


Q. Why don't Australian fielders need pre tour travel injections?
A. Because they never catch anything.


Q. What's the Australian version of LBW?
A. Lost, Beaten and Walloped.


Q. What do you call an Australian with 100 runs against his name?
A. A bowler.


Q. What's the most proficient form of footwork displayed by Ponting?
A. The walk back to the pavilion.


Q. Who has the easiest job in the Australian squad?
A. The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats.


Q. What do Australian batsmen and drug addicts have in common?
A. Both spend most of their time wondering where their next score will come
from.


Q. Why are Australian cricketers cleverer than Houdini?
A. Because they can get out without even trying.


Q. What does Ryan Harris put in his hands to make sure the next ball almost
always takes a wicket?
A. A bat