November 15 2005
Let me take you through the first full team International Parrot Tour:
Destination: Yangon, Myanmar
Opposition: Irrawaddy Cricket Club
Spoils: The Andaman Trophy
Friday
3 of the boys and 2 of the girls arrived in Yangon on Friday morning with the remaining 7 boys (yeah - our 11th player, Huw, got shafted by his employer at the last minute) and 1 girl mustering at 7pm Friday night at an airport bar debating the merits of Bangkok's traffic culture.
Like all good tourists we each left our dignity at Don Mueng and boarded Myanmar International armed with only one piece of information about Myanmar between us; Apparently, the beer's real good.
As soon as we touched down we were sold on the place. Out of the plane on a clear, quiet night we piled into a bus and travelled the 15 metres to the airport terminal.
A van ride to a flash hotel literally pronounced "Karn-dodgy Palace" and then off to Mr Guitar Bar to meet the Irrawaddy fellas and be reunited with the rest of the flock. Our solitary piece of information was immediately verified when we saw the state of Nick, Gary and Slatts who had been to an Aussie Embassy Quiz night and were as pissed as the proverbials. Slatts and Nick had been on the go since 9:30am and our fiery opening bowler had just been informing some foolish punter that Holland is actually only a part of the Netherlands (personally I would never dispute a man who knows Amsterdam like the back of his hand!). We found out first hand that the beer is indeed real good in Myanmar and it was back to the dodgy palace where we retired with low, single figures on the clock.
Saturday
After a pleasant breakfast under clear skies the party assembled at 8:30am meeting with Irrawaddy Club President Stu and a van to take us to the ground. I was last one down and freaked out a bit seeing the van hoon off with the lads waving arms and yelling something. Relieved to see Stu and a Taxi still there I jumped into the car assuring Stu that I was certainly the last to leave the hotel.
After a 20 or 30 minute bumpy ride with Stuart from the Waikato educating and entertaining me with true stories of government antics that make this mob seem relatively sane, we came upon one of the best cricket playing surfaces in Asia. I'm not kidding. This Aussie bloke, Ben Davis, looks after the grass on the golf course and somehow he and his helpers have produced a good block with even bounce and an outfield that could host test cricket.
A bright clean day with no background noise other than birds, insects and the odd ear splitting painful blast of some truly terrible Burmese/Indian/rooting cat type of sound played at 3000 decibels from a rickety old song-taew. A quick look at the pitch with a few "ooh's" and "ah's" and the odd "f****n beauty" from Jimmy and into the stylish old changing rooms we went.
It was about now that it dawned on us that we'd actually left T Tree behind at the hotel with the prospect of no-one knowing what cricket is, let alone where. We decided he probably had the right to be a pit pissed off but consoled ourselves with the fact that at least we had his bat and pads! The Treeman duly arrived with a big grin on his face and because there are no coins in Myanmar, we used his hands to decide the toss in a "which hand are the keys in" fashion. I yet again, mixed up my left with my right and Nigel, their captain guessed correctly. After much deliberation and ultimately (I reckon) falling for my brer fox brer rabbit tactic in suggesting we should bat first, he elected to bat; thus securing first real dibs on the inviting Beer Myanmar to the Parrots for the second innings.
Slatts and Wanie opened up the 35 over 10 men each "International" with miserly aplomb and runs were scarce after 8 overs. Stu got the men from Myanmar going with a good knock of 46, while the Prez took 2 wickets, Nick bowled beautifully for 7 overs in a row and Tree bowled a tight second spell. We were delighted to travel with a couple of Parrots who play league cricket for the Southerners; Funky Dave and Vaughany. Vaughan is the Southerners batsman/wicketkeeper but it was his offspinners turning sideways that helped us out in the middle of the innings. Slatts and Wanie finished the innings nicely picking up a wicket each with Slatts conceding 6 runs from 7 overs (and bowling a stumping - ha ha). Sledge Jimmy and Funky were first class in the field and were a big reason behind the low total.
154 to win
Sledge and Jimmy opened with James slashing a square cut and looking very comfortable. A leading edge diving caught and bowled removed him and a rising ball touched Sledges edge and shit! it's 2 for 6! The Prez came in and got settled nicely before the jaffa of the day snuck under his bat. A classic yorker from Ben the curator and we're 3 for 14. Funky strides out and he and I decide that drinks at the 12th over will be the aim and we set about righting the ship. Disaster struck the ball before drinks and we were 4 for 26.
Myself and T Tree then put our heads down and patiently turned things around. It was a gutsy partnership with T Tree batting the best he has for the Parrots and he paced his innings well. We had a flurry at the end and got to 154 with 6 wickets in hand in the 32nd over. Treeman not out on 62 and me not out on 69 (titter).
Irrawaddy played very well throughout and applied real pressure on us for most of the match. Their ability and spirit combined with the excellent playing conditions and facilities, and the extremely hot weather (amazing how hot the sun is when it's not filtered by 5 miles of soot and smog) made for a top game of cricket and the atmosphere and banter was befitting the first game involving a touring cricket team in Burma for 50 years.
A few beers and a rousing vodka slammer session followed with all players and spectators from both sides joining in.
A damn near perfect day of cricket.
Our gracious hosts had jacked up a dinner at the Savoy Hotel so we 3 "sh"ed and taxied to the venue. Another beautiful setting by the pool on a typically peaceful night saw us have some tucker and beer and Stu presented Gary with the Andaman Trophy - a beautifully carved wooden piece that will be on display in the ever swelling Parrot trophy cabinet on soi 33.
Mad Benny then presented each of the team with
'long jees" - big skirts that everyone wears. So we got "authentic" and finished up a grand day with the rugby and more beer.
Sunday
As often happens, many of Sunday’s plans were those of the "best laid" variety. 4 Parrots went golfing 3 went wandering the town, 3 hired a car and driver and 3 nursed hangovers or relaxed by the pool. The magnificent 7 (plus Rung) rendezvoused at the dodgy lobby at 4pm to catch a 5:45 flight back to reality while our 5 person advance party remained in Yangon for another night of tranquility.
Before we knew it we our migration was completed and we were back in the City of Angels' familiar rustle and bustle, only this time we had a wee glint in the eye and a head full of fantastic memories.
I have to tell you about the incredible hospitality we received from the Myanmar fellas. We always had rides taking us places, the hotel and facilities were simply sensational, the dinners were great and beers flowed freely. Top, top people who really gave us a good time - thanks to Stu, Ben, Nigel and Malut(sp?), Steve, Brett, James, Steve N, Max, Hayley, Rose and Stu Senior and everyone else for a choice trip!
Mention must be made regarding our female Parrots (Parrakeets are a different breed and can be found next to the ever swelling trophy cabinet in soi 33). Pen, Tip and Rung kept an eye on the boys (especially Gary, Slatts and Sledge) in Myanmar and were, as always, delightful and vital companions. (tries to resist the "on the nest" pun and shamefully settles for this current sentence)
Off the field, the undoubted MVP goes to Funky Dave who only closed his eyes for about 5 hours from Friday to Sunday. Fuelled on by the elixir that is Beer Myanmar, Funky charged through day and night and provided your scribe with countless laughs and fine moments. Armed with a bit of local Kyat, bellies full of Beer Myanmar imbibed over the Royal Lake during sunrise we donned our local dresses and set off onto the streets to not only embrace the local culture, but also give it a bit of a shake and a sturdy kiwi/aussie slap on the back!
We got to the first bar we found and spent the day getting pissed.
We sat on small plastic furniture slugging down the holy water, talking absolute shite, laughing a lot and slowly and unwittingly poisoning our stomachs with the ice we were keeping in the beer!
A perfect way to end a perfect Parrot tour.
